Archive | December 2004

A Fool Of A Man, Or A Man Of A Fool?

Would you forgive a fool for being a fool?

Would you forgive a man oblivious to anything else other than what he sees, because he was caught in blinding light?

Would you forgive a man immeresed in fragrant water, for liking the smell of the fragrant water?

Would you, forgive, a man perceiving something as the truth, when all he ever gets from his perceptions is just that?

In other words, would you forgive a man with a handicap for walking limply?

I am so small in the world, humbled by its size, its greatness, and more by its complexity. What can seem so true in my eyes can be a lie in others. What can be false in my eyes, could be true to others. So back to the frequently visited question, what is this all?

It is not a question of how, what, why… but more of a question of what to learn from it. The universe yields so many mysteries, and perhaps also the answers, so the absolute truth can even be interpreted differently by different people.

It’s like… I know where I’m going, but.. I don’t know how to get there yet. I can see the lighthouse, but I don’t know what route to take yet. Time will tell, as it always does, and also as always, I jump in anyway.

Let’s get it on, and get it over with.

Final word, quoted from a friend: Looks can be deceiving.

Massive Disaster

Ok, I just have to day something about the earthquake and tsunamis that wreaked havok in many countries around the Indian Ocean.

My heartfelt prayers go out to all those affected, directly or indirectly.

I did not want to talk about it, I don’t even read any news about it, avoid the TV newscasts, and avoid the subject when talking with friends… because I could break down and go into one of my sad states for days on end.

But, keeping it tough doesn’t mean being ignorant (although most people do it that way)… so… let’s all raise our hands in prayer for them. It’s the least we could do. I think I’m going to head to the ATM later to donate some money. Money better spent there, rather than a book that I’d finish in two days, or a CD that I don’t listen to that often, or some sort of unneeded electronic device.


Every day, you learn bit by bit, all about the world, all about yourself, and all about others. Well, not exactly all, but at least, the amount of knowledge you gain is pretty significant over time.

The apparent favorite subject of my inner self, is of course, myself. But always a skeptic, it was always the study of myself through other eyes, hardly ever my own.

So, the more people I know, the more I find out about myself also.

Today, I think I learned a lesson of the human shell.


Saturday night, was the night of the song.

After spending 3 hours doing mundane work at Lokananta, and a nap because I felt so tired, the standing plan for about a week or so was that I and a couple of friends were going out to karaoke; singing capabilities present or not, we were looking forward to it.

So I booked a room enough for 8 people at Nav Fatmawati, and came early (as usual) as the booking of rooms there is pretty strict. Alfa came early, too, so we had the mikes to ourselves for about an hour, before everybody else came piling in: Asri with her boyfriend and little sister, Rama and Ines, and Vira.

Even though I can’t sing very well, screaming, yodeling, yammering and strangling songs is often a good way to get stress out of the system, escpecially if there’s a thing that reminds you of the lyrics (I never had a good memory for lyrics). Money, and time, well spent.

Later that night, not feeling it was time to go home yet, me, Alfa and Vira headed to Citos to hang out and talk, and we settled at a nice place called Dixie (Dixie is actually one of my favorite watering holes, with branches at KTS, Aston Hotel and Kemang). And suddenly it was 2 am already, so we went home…

Thanks for the great night, guys.


After spending 3 days in a row, that’s Friday 1 hour, Saturday 3 hours, and Sunday a whopping 7 hours, at Lokananta, I finally wrapped up the bulk and the most important part of the activity reports.

Lokananta is a nice medium-size cafe near my house, with moderately-priced drinks and food (but worth every penny), and an all-you-can-use internet connection (they provide the LAN cables to go to your laptop, but no workstations provided, so you have to have a laptop) for Rp 10.000. Yeah, that’s right. I used the internet yesterday there for 7 hours and only had to pay Rp. 10.000. But of course, I ordered drinks and food to go with it, which added to the total cost, but the place was cosy, the food was great, and the internet was refreshingly fast, so it was a better alternative than your usual cyber cafe.

When on Saturday I went there by myself, yesterday Alfa finally joined me to do a little browsing of her own… and I must say, we should of looked pretty cool (or geeky) with the small table we had already filled with our laptops and other geeky accessories (and of course, the pile of work I had to go through).

Now, all that remains is uploading the photos that go with the survey reports, but at least the core data is up, and I have couriered the hard copies of the reports to head office. You should see the stack, cost me a pretty penny to send it overseas, but hopefully, the payment will come through soon. Thank God that this kind of work only happens about every 3 months, for 2 weeks to a month. I’m not really looking forward to the next project, but will accept with open arms anyway. It’s a good way to spread the cheer, so to speak.

Anyway, although some in my faith say doing this is a sin, I’m doing it anyway; to those of you who celebrate, Merry Christmas!

Something’s Gotta Give

I finally finished watching Something’s Gotta Give starring Jack Nicholson and Diane Keaton. Nice story, unique perspectives and twists, and veeeerrryyy pretty Amanda Peet.

Basically makes you think that love is a journey, not a destination… and in fact, that’s why love is so compelling, so important to human sanity, to human life.

[Yes, I’m finally bringing up a topic about love.]

Somehow, I keep writing stuff down, from the completely frank to the standard dubiousness… but I keep going back and erasing it. I’m not sure what I want to say, and what I do think I want to say, I’m not sure the good readers of this blog would understand it.

Love, in its most general meaning, which is between a man and a woman, has always been the more, um, interesting part of my life. Lots of stories here and there, although when compared to other people’s stories it could me pretty mundane, but the stories are there just the same. Short stories, even paragraphs or sentences, which sometimes never need telling, and nobody knows about anyway (and no, I’m not about to change that now).

And.. let’s just say, the journey has more often brought ‘disappointment’ rather than ‘success’. I was never sure why, and I’m still not sure. Hence constant contemplation and thought on my side…. (aaah… now you get it).

And now… sometimes it feels like I always get myself in the same problem, the same mousetrap, all over again. I guess, I never learn from that mistake… all I do is just learn on how to handle it better.

That sounds pathetic, doesn’t it? Sometimes I wish things could fit in simpler… although, I must say, my life is a waaay lot simpler than a couple of people i know.

Growing Pains

You know what, I came to a sort of revelation yesterday, that maybe a lot of people have come to realize anyway.

You never really grow up.

What happens is, you learn more, you adapt more, maybe you change, but in fact, you never really do change. At a certain point in life, you just stop growing, and start living. If at that point you have not reached a certain stage where the general convention in society defines as “mature”, then, well… you will never reach it.

I don’t think that many of us even reach what was intended by our predecessors as “mature”. Maybe close, but never quite close.

Yes, with the years, you obtain more knowledge, gain more responsibility, grow more independent; but do you, really? Is that what defines a “grown-up”? Is that what defines “mature”? Well, let me put an open question to whoever may be reading this: do you feel mature? Well, do you, punk?

I guess we really do just gain wisdom over the years, ever more so if you learn everything the hard way (my preferred course of action, or else nothing would get into my thick head). But having volumes of wisdom and knowledge does not necessarily mean mature, right?

Try it out for yourself: using Google’s Image Search, using the keyword “mature” brings a lot of porn to your screen. Now is that what the 21st century society defines as mature?

So, essentially, only a part of everybody grows up, and the rest remains intact, whether it be the little kid in kindergarten, the punk from high school, or the deprived college student. And both parts define who we are, how we think and take action, and what we aspire to be. And what we aspire to be has more to do with what our little selves inside want.

So keep the little kid in you happy, he or she will save your life someway, someday.

Short Visit

One of our partners invited my company to Bandung to attend a launch of their services there, and I was sent to represent the company. So very early in the morning, I prepped my stuff and went to the train station early, just in case the train was packed; I wanted to at least get a seat, not a standing ticket. The night before had ben very tiring, because I had all this stuff to carry around from the office, and arrangements to go to Bandung were only done at the last minute.

So off I went to Bandung with friends from another company, and arrived there at about 9 am. The event we were about to attend wasn’t going to run until about 12 pm, so we just went to the location and hung out at one of the restaurants near the designated area.

The place was called Cihampelas Walk, or more popularly Ciwalk, a relatively new commercial area with a mall, dozens of eateries and cafes, and places you can walk around, or sit and chat. Pretty nice place, and it’s open much later into the night than most places in Bandung, much to the pleasure of young couples in love or kids having the night out.

The event itself only started at about 3 pm, because of the rain, but it was pretty good. A few local artists sang their popular songs to the delight of fans and audience, and there was the share of games, door prizes and such.

After the show, I went over to Tanti’s house, who had been sick in Bandung for about 2 weeks, to pick up something, and also lend her a book to wind away her recovery days. Later I met up with Pandji and Gamila for dinner… and apparently, I got carried away discussing anti-monopolism :P.

I crashed at Pandji’s place, and took the 6 am train back to Jakarta this morning. So I have not reached home yet… when there is a lot of stuff I need to settle…. the project I’m doing has not finished the reporting stage…

Random Thoughts (Reprise)

During the rather mundane routine of work today, I have had this urge to write something here other than my post below. Something more… of the mind, more transcendental… something more reflective. I’m still not sure of what, but I’ll put it down anyway…. here goes…


Why does the word ‘beauty’ keep repeating itself in my head? But I can’t make anything of it ‘m not sure what I’m trying to say. I’m second-guessing myself on the subconcious level, so nothing really comes out.

Well, anyway. After the first round of uploads yesterday, I met up with an old friend, and we chatted over ice cream (ice cream that God must of created Himself, because it tasted like heaven!) about work, and the obligatory nostalgia. It’s always good to reflect, not just the fun parts of nostalgia, but the more introspective part. I must say, the conversation was wholy entertaining, informative and at once good for the heart and mind. And the chocolate ice cream made it even better.

One of the points of the conversation was, you never really know how friends appreciate you, but you ultimately always know when friends are dissatisfied with you, even if they are talking about you behind your back. So, I’m trying to make it a point to show more appreciation to others, more than before, at least. It always feels good when you’ve made someone’s day.

A few days before, a friend told me to smile more. At the moment, I was in a very bad mood, and if somebody comes along and tells you to smile, you just get more pissed off, right? Well, maybe it’s right. More to smiling inside, rather than your average garden-variety plastic smile. Be more optimistic. Well… I’ll try.

Ah.. here’s the sentence that wanted to come out, finally…

Beauty emenates from the heart and the mind.

Okay, now what the hell is that supposed to mean? Isn’t that something that ugly people say?

Hahahahah. Forgive my crudeness, because as usual, I’m writing everything that comes off the top of my head.

Now what?


Today is supposed to be the deadline of my activity report submission. The problem is, the report from Bandung got strangely delayed in the mail, although my counterpart there already sent it Thursday; and the partner in Surabaya came dow with typhod fever to the point he had to be hospitalized, so the activities in Surabaya are delayed. Yogyakarta just wrapped up yesterday, and I don’t know when she will send the papers to me. And here I am, in a freakin’ cyber cafe, uploading all the data that I have before tomorrow.

The connection is damn slow as well. Takes a damn long time just to upload a freakin’ photo.

The keyboard is shit, you have to press every key with extra power, or else the letters wont show up.