It’s always amazing how long a day takes when you’re waiting for the next day. Excruciatingly, frustratingly long. And it’s equally annoying how fast time goes by when there is so much to consider, to do, to act upon.
Patience is a virtue, but never a virtue of mine.
Somehow I feel I’m doing everything wrong, misplacing pride, effort, and perseverance. Pushing the wrong things the wrong way. On the other hand, I guess it does reflect what I need (as opposed to want) most. And frustratingly, I always screw it up.
I have to try to get myself to middle ground here, being the ungrateful person that I am. That which you do not have is always that which you want most. In hindsight, it was always one thing or the other, never ever perfect, never even satisfying. I guess that’s human, but psychotically human. Maybe I will never get over the need to make myself better, and perhaps for most people it’s a healthy thing. For me, it just degrades everything else.
For someone as unstable as me, I need a pillar to hold on to once in a while, someone that I will love and care with all my heart for ever and ever.
Now, I’ll just have to look… does the hard part come now, or later, I wonder?
Life is always hard, and the days are always long, but for every moment forward, remember to look in the rearview mirror and say thanks.