Possible Betrayal?

Yesterday, I was drained to the last drop, and did not have the energy to write what I am attempting to write about now. Now, the worst part is probably over, but it seems that I can’t begin to write about it either.
I don’t think I can even begin to explain without telling a bit about the history, and I’m not inclined to do that, due to the transparent nature of this blog, or anyone else’s for that matter. And I don’t think I can tell about the details without breaking down in the middle of the story. Well, maybe not, but… I’d rather not elaborate, as usual.

A few weeks ago I posted about learning of some news that would have some profound effect on a lot of things. Well, the day has come… and… I’m a total wreck.

I’ll be blunt: due to circumstances more or less beyond my control, including the person in question, I have lost someone I care about very much. I have lost her to… to… inevitability. She hates me to the core, and I don’t blame her; but there was nothing I could do. I have run the situations brought to me a million times in my head, and there was nothing I could do.

Maybe my not doing anything was the thing I did wrong, as many inactions lead to chaos as actions do. I have been dreading this day for weeks; I have been running scenarios in my head a million times, what I should say, what I should do… but still, life always brings little (or big) suprises to the mix, catching us all off guard.

I can’t find any more words to say…

If you’re reading this… I’m sorry, and I miss you… just take care of yourself.

About barijoe

Failed Musician, Reformed Gadget Freak and Eating Extraordinaire.

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