Is It Too Soon To Ask?
[I had written a few paragraphs earlier, but somehow I lost it… so this post will a bit different that initially intended.]
6 months ago, I made a fateful decision that changed my life. Yeah, it’s already been 6 months, and that’s how old this blog is as well. By most views, the decision I made was very sudden, and very instinctive, as opposed to my usual rational self. 6 months later, when I have finally learned more about myself, I am also finally understanding on why I made the decision, and why it was for the best. It’s not that it didn’t have repercussions or consequences, which I am still adjusting to, but in hindsight, it still seems like the right decision. Nobody saw it coming, as nobody understood the problem, nor my solution for it.
Now, getting on with life, it seems I always find myself in the same situation. Always the same result, always the same process, and always leaving me like I am right now. Frustratingly, it seems that I’m not learning from my mistakes, although my apparent efforts to fix everything, although I’ve been down that road before several times. It never gets any easier, and I never get used to the journey, although I ultimately know where the road will end anyway. Back to square one and none the better.
As I have been constantly reminding myself lately, I have to be grateful for what I have. As grateful as I can be, there is still something big missing within me that needs to be replenished. And that has more importance than everything else.
So, although I’m doomed to fail yet again, I still have to go through the process again…