Archive | July 2005


“Kadang kala, orang yang paling mencintaimu adalah orang yang tak pernah menyatakan cinta padamu, karena takut kau berpaling dan memberi jarak, dan bila ia suatu saat pergi, kau akan menyadari ia adalah cinta yang tidak kamu sadari. Maka mengapa kau tak mengungkapkan cintamu, bila kau memang mencintainya, meskipun kau tak tahu apakah cinta itu ada juga padanya? Mencintai Seseorang dengan tulus ialah menerima keadaannya dalam suka maupun duka,
Cinta yang Abadi Cinta yang Tdk Akan Pernah Mati…”

Sometimes, the person who loves you most is the person who cannot express their love to you, for fear that you will turn and take distance, and one day when they go, you will realize that they are the love that you did not realize. Then, why don’t you just say your love, if you do love them, even though you do not know if the love resides in them too? Loving somebody sincerely is accepting them for who they are in joy and in sadness;
Eternal Love is Love That Never Dies…

Hopefully, It Ends Here

The look that I give you is no longer yours
The touch that I give your hands and shoulders is no longer yours
The thoughts that I keep in my mind of you can no longer be of you anymore
The small things that I intend for you are no longer small things, and are of no consequence
The song my heart sings to you is out of tune, therefore I cannot sing it to you anymore
The trust I have in you is still there, but I cannot give it to you anymore
The nighttime longing has been nullified
The morning calls will stop
The words shared that once had deep meaning, are now meaningless
The vision I used to have will have to stop
The willingness of my heart to remain in this reverie has ended
The patience I so willingly endured has no meaning, and is useless
The conversations I shared will be the past, and not a glimpse of the future anymore
The belief in you is still strong, the idea of you of being perfect is still there, yet I no longer want to believe
The hours I could of shared with you, are still empty, but I’d rather they not be filled with you anymore
The songs I shared with you may still be there somewhere, but let someone else share it with you
The goodnight kiss will be the last
This is not goodbye
It will never be goodbye
This is just me
Finally swallowing the final pill of reality
I will be in touch, but not so often

The Amenities Of 21st Century Life

I’m sitting here at one of those inner-city prominent malls, watching an off-air event at which my friend is the MC, and awaiting the big show at 8 PM where we’d all watch it on the big screen near the stage. I’m eating a sampler – has mozza fries, bruschetta, and chicken wings – with a cold, ice lemon tea at my reserved table with friends.
I’m downloading stuff for work from the internet, through the fast internet connection provided here through Wi-Fi, using the office laptop provided to me. An HP Compaq nc6600, with Centrino Mobile Technology, with ample harddisk space, RAM, and a DVD-ROM/CD-RW drive.
For this moment, just this moment, I am enjoying the life.


Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little hard to say what’s going on

Still a little bit of your ghost, your weakness
Still a little bit of your face I haven’t kissed
You step a little closer each day
I can’t say what’s going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love, taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it’s not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can’t see what’s going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love, taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it’s not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon..
Stones taught me to fly
Love, taught me to cry
So come on courage
Teach me to be shy
‘Cause it’s not hard to fall
And I don’t wanna scare her
It’s not hard to fall
And I don’t wanna lose
It’s not hard to grow
When you know that you just don’t know

[as sung by Damien Rice]

Let’s Get On With It

Sometimes I am so amazed on how theraputic friendships can be. Even if you’re not talking or consulting with a friend, their mere presence and attention can soothe and alleviate any sort of trouble of pain coursing through yourself. Even when the mind and body resists to acknowledge, the words “You’ll be OK” may resound in your heart for days after, and give the spirit a boost to just get on with everything else. Even if the friend is not sure if you’ll be OK or not, at least the attention helps.
The path that has led me through the couple of weeks has been very, very trying indeed. Explosions of joy and sadness can go on the same page which is the day, and never, ever balanced; and due to my nature, always heavy to one side. Sometimes it’s just good to meet up with a friend and vent out all that anger and frustration, all the worries, and also all those happy highlights. Perhaps, now, the time has come to do a little more evaluating, rather than contemplating.
Let’s find out if the journey just past, and where the path will lead me next, is truly worth it or not. Today, I set down my pride, and I will accept if I turn out to be wrong, if indeed I am, and I will continue along the path, but with a guerilla’s caution and tactics.

A Short Story

A posh but secluded cafe not far off from a main road, Sunday afternoon in Jakarta. It’s November, so the light is a bit shady from the occasional raincloud that still strays in the way of the sun, and the weather is not too hot. Inside the cafe, the air-conditioning is going full-blast, freezing the air in contrast with the the environment outside, better for the patrons who visit the place.
At a small table with two chairs near the window, sit two friends, just arrived, and already lugging out their laptops and the assorted artillery that go with it, to take advantage of the cafe’s internet connection. Joe, an avid patron of this cafe, gets out a stack of paperwork he’s supposed to work on, and tries to make the layout of the table work, considering Fay’s laptop is also on it. Even though past those feelings, Joe still occasionally eyes Fay’s laptop with envy, a 12-inch Powerbook, and always running the same question of when-will-I-get-one-of-those inside his head, and looking at his own beat-up Acer laptop. Well, at least I still have a laptop of my own, he says.
Joe is a medium-build man with boyish looks, with ample fat around his body to exaggerate the fact; up to the point that a lot of people still think he’s in school. Being thought younger than you look is of course a blessing, but for Joe, it’s an occupational hazard, as when you do a lot of marketing work, you have to be convincing, and people tend not to believe a little boy trying to sell the something. He unconsiously adjusts his collar of his polo shirt (bought on discount), and tries to find a good resting place for his feet in his always-beat up sneakers.
Fay is already thumbing through her files on her laptop, preparing her work for that day and trying out the internet connection after connecting the network cable. As an art director for a reknowned advertising agency, her work often spills over to the weekends, as like today. Her red hair sticks out like a sore thumb anywhere she goes, but she loves it, as it goes with her J-Pop clothes. She is of slighter build than Joe, so she can move about her chair to find the most comfortable position, where Joe is just stuck as he is.
After Joe and Fay are satisfied with their respective connections, and ready to start working, they call for a waiter. A tall, beautiful dark-skinned waitress with exotic eyes comes along and brings them menus. Now, one of the reasons that Joe frequents this place is he always had a crush on that certain waitress, but of benign interest, so being the hapless romantic that he is, he never got her name, let alone her number. His heart jumps just a bit when she comes by to take their order.
Considering that they might be there for some time, Joe and Fay order some appetizers; french fries standard and some calamari, ice tea for Joe and some juice for Fay. Suddenly, Joe thinks… what the hey, let’s ask her name… finally…
“Hey, hi. What’s your name?”
“I’m sorry, sir?”
“He he… yeah, what’s your name?”
“Oh, so you’re Sundanese?”
[Note from Editor: Euis is most obviously a Sundanese name.]
Euis giggles and says “Yes”
Joe gets the stupid why-did-I-have-to-say-that look on his face, and Fay is embarrased that she ever had a stupid friend like this. After Euis leaves with their orders, Fay mock-scolds Joe for his stupid remark. “You’re too obvious, Joe..”
“Well, at least I went through with it. I hardly ever come up to girls and introduce myself.”
“Oh well. Let’s hope you didn’t embarass yourself too much, eh?”
“Right on.”
The afternoon continues to night, and they do not mention a word about it again. But secretly, Joe hails a small triumph inside his heart, that he already knows her name. Now what? he thinks.

If You’re Not The One

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?
If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?
If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call
If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I’ll never know whatthe future brings
But I know you’re here with me now
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am?
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

If I don’t need you then why am I crying on my bed?
If I don’t need you then why does your name resound in my head?
If you’re not for me then why does this distance maim my life?
If you’re not for me then why do I dream of you as my wife?

I don’t know why you’re so far away
But I know that this much is true
We’ll make it through
And I hope you are the one I share my life with
And I wish that you could be the one I die with
And I pray in you’re the one I build my home with
I hope I love you all my life

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I can stay in your arms?

‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I love you, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand
If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am
Is there any way that I could stay in your arms

[sorry… must be a bit cheesy… but this song, sung by Daniel Bedingfield, somehow fits]