Archive | August 2005


I call you up
You pick up
You call my bluff
On the card to love
You hold too close
Your hands to your chest
I can read your eyes
But I confess
It’s lonely far from you, oh

Even when you’re right by me
It’s only why I wait for you
To take my hand

Why do I beg like a child for your candy?
Why do I come after you like I do, I love you?
Wherever you are
I swear
You be my angel

I play my cards the best I can
But I lose my luck when you’re not here
My darling heart
Won’t you please give in?
I may be strong
But I want you back again

When you’re not here it’s hard to pretend
It’s all alright again
When you’re not here love it’s hard to pretend
It’s all alright but still
Why do I beg like a child for your candy?
Why do I run after you like I do, I love you?
Whatever you are
I swear
You be my angel, you

Watch the deck
Count your cards
Makes no sense
That I’m always losing
When you’re gone

Why do I beg like a child for your candy?
Why do I come after you like I do, I love you
Whatever you are
I swear
You’ll be my angel, you
When you’re gone

[as sung by Dave Matthews Band… to my butterfly, my archangel]

Speak Softly Love

Speak softly love and hold me warm against your heart
I feel your words, the tender trembling moments start
We’re in a world, our very own
Sharing a love that only few have ever know

*Wine coloured days warmed by the sun
Deep velvet nights when we are one

Speak softly love so no one hears us but the sky
The vows of love we make will live unitil we die
My life is yours and all because
You came into my world with love, so softly love

[as sung by Andy Williams -> soundtrack of “The Godfather”]

Tick, Tock, Tick, Tock

I hate waiting.
I hate how when you’re waiting, that anything you do to kill the hours, the minutes, the seconds until whatever you’re waiting for happens, seems oblivious.
… A bit like this post, I guess.
The worst kind of waiting is waiting for news, and you never know if it will be bad or good. Especially when you have no prior information whatsoever on how it’s going to turn out. All the odds are up in the air, and you spend most of the time trying to calculate or estimate the outcome with whatever information you have. And make yourself crazy doing it.
Confidence, insecurities, unassurances, beliefs, doubts, all kick in.
You’re restless, can’t stay in one place… you walk around to work off the shaking. You look at the clock all the time, or maybe even the calendar.
You get to the point where you just stop speculating, thinking or talking about it… and just stare at a wall. More doubts kick in.
Damn, I hate waiting!

Hello Again

I’m in a good mood.
In such a good mood I do not know what to say, let alone describe anything.
Maybe it’s also because that deep down inside, some part of me is afraid that the mood will die.
Hopefully not. I think not. It will grow into something different and complicated, though. Which is good.
I do not know what the coming days will bring, but I will receive them with open arms. I will go the distance, as apparently I have been doing all this time…
Stay with me.

Just Popping In

Darn, I can’t believe it’s already been a week since my last post! Work has been a bit crazy, not even giving me time for short posts from the office, and last weekend was a bit full as well. Not to mention the fact that my internet connection at home has been dead for at least a month now, so no blogging from home.

So… just popping in to say hi to the blog world… hopefully I’ll have some extra time later today to do some updates.

21st Century Schizophrenia Is, Unfortunately, Absolute

Messages and images of the past keep waking me in mid-sleep, to face the reality of what has been, and not what could be. Reason states that all is over and done with, and everything should be well. But no, that is not what is happening. What do dreams reflect; a random mix of recollection, or an aspiration of the present and future? Are dreams what drive us, or are they what fuels our inherent partial madness; in the obligatory schizophrenia of the 21st century?
What makes sense cannot make sense to another, yet we swallow reality as a whole and tolerate the differences when we can. Happiness, feelings of elation, or sadness and pain; are relative constructs without definite reverence. Only through a decision of paradigm can we reach a commonality of what is real, and what is false; whereas actually everything is up in the air for anyone’s guess to interpret. Whole societies, thus, will never be able to decide on anything for a standard, let alone individuals who cannot formulate an accurate description of their feelings and thoughts for full comprehension of their fellows.
Then how can man judge when paradigms are not constructed anymore? How can man decide on a course of action when even the facts are object to relative observation? What is truth when truth is only an agreed upon perspective of possible fiction?
What man can do… is try. The heart (and faith, for those who believe) serves as the guide for these paranoid times. Whether or not it is the truth, it creates and binds civilization, preventing it from total chaos and disorder.
Believe what your heart says, but listen to it every moment, even in your sleep. Whether you listen to it or not is totally up to you.
I believe that I must try until I cannot try any more.

But then… everything is relative, right? Including my willpower.

The Idiot Box Returns

You’d probably remember that I have been deprived of my TV-watching rights for almost a month now, without really feeling the loss, as I can watch DVDs on either of my computers, and do not have any important TV series to follow. Thus, I was happily TV-less… but eventually, I felt the need for one as I was missing out on news, new shows, and everything else that is on TV….
So yesterday, I bought this:

It’s not as big as my older 21″ TV, it’s a 17″ one; much, much more suitable for the room and its surroundings, as with the current layout, a large TV would block out light from the windows. So now I can listen to CDs and watch DVDs with much more flexibility; never having to wait for the computer to start up (the process gets longer every year, doesn’t it?), and enjoy something I haven’t been able to do for a long time: use a remote for changing channels! Now, my old TV, is (or was?) as old as me, so it takes more physical effort to change the channels, i.e. turning the knob. So very 70’s.
When I told Mom I had finally bought a new TV, Mom said that a TV repairman friend mentioned that the old TV could be converted to a multi-channel remote-controlled thing-of-a-jig for Rp 500 thousand (whereas the new TV cost me Rp 1.1 million). In hindsight, the old TV enabled to play DVDs would be a bit more cooler than the TV above, at least for me, anyway… oh well. I might do it anyway just for the heck of it when I can spare the money.

Ok… back to the DVDs then…