Archive | July 2005

An Unexpected Suprise

Yesterday morning, I got a call. Remember this post?

She probably won’t call again, but still, it was an unexpected and pleasant suprise.

You Know You’re Happy When…

… you have that warm, fuzzy feeling inside that makes you want to smile.
… you tend to listen to upbeat, cheery songs in the morning.
… you sing out lout a groovy tune without a care in the world.
… you just stop complaining about things.
… you walk with a sure step and a head held up high.
… you call your out-of-touch friends to share a joke or some good news, about them or about you.
… you swallow your pride and it’s totally OK.
… you laugh anyway at a friend’s totally not funny joke. Or jokes.
… you tend to smile more easily.
… you tend to move your hands excitedly to a song you like, perhaps an air guitar or an air drum set.
… you don’t spend as much.
… you face your duties with new energy.
… you don’t easily get pissed off.
… you drift from one thing to another, because it’s all good.
… you know your pain, recognized it, and have been able to detach yourself from it.
… you smile when you get a call from a certain someone! And smile more when calling that someone.
… you don’t write as much as you used to in your blog, and not because that you’re busy.

Well… I don’t know if this applies to you, but it sure does apply to me. [Insert Smileyface Here.]

Catching Up

The past week has been totally packed, with a deadline on Thursday morning, and a visit from my superiors from Paris on Wednesday until Friday; not to mention last-minute work and decisions from the beginning of the week. I unintentionally buried myself in work last week, although I make a point of never doing that, and only being able to catch up on my life through phone calls and short conversations.
Because of the utter exhaustion, I spend most of my weekend at home (not that I have someone to spend weekends with anyway). I did go to the cellular & computer exhibition, but it was so packed I really didn’t get to enjoy anything, let alone buy anything. I watched some DVDs, wrote another short story (as yet unfinished), but I did go karaokeing with a couple of friends late Saturday night. Sunday was mostly spent sleeping, if not for that short trip to the mall to grab some new DVDs. I watched DVDs the entire day (and night), and sort of enjoying the silence and solitude.
There’s still a lot of work to do this week, but I think I’ll be able to appreciate the silence and solitude of the night, now that the project is so far finished from my side.

Part Two

1. Chrysalic. I was eating Roti Chanee at Roxy with Yadi and Jacky when she called, asking right away “What happened?”. Well, nothing really did happen…
2. MacFreak. He didn’t call, but left this message on the Comments section: ” Kinda expensive caling you from here. Wanna take the reverse charge? :D”. Smart ass.
3. Chibi. She buzzed me through IM, and said “i just read your blog…is this considered ‘calling’? what’s up?”. She said picking up the phone was too much trouble.
4. Cookie. She left a message on the Comments section too: “I already call you often!”… then she forgot to put her name.

Anyway…. thanks guys.

Part One

If you’re reading this,

The Death Of All Romance

I have never cried in anybody’s arms
The way that I have often cried in yours
Please be the one to take my tears away
I was 22, I’ve had my share of views
I just can’t steal that “happiness” from you
But I’ll be the one to take your tears away

I can’t believe the things you say
tell me, tell me
tell me the lies

Fasting love will lead us all to nowhere
When, when will we learn
I shall avenge the death of all the romance
Until, until I’m gone

I can’t believe the things you say
tell me, tell me
tell me the lies
I can’t believe the things you say
tell me, tell me
tell me the lies
I can’t believe the things you say
tell me, tell me
tell me the lies
tell me the lies
tell me the lies
tell me, tell me the lies

[as sung by The Dears]

Settle Down!

As it might show here, it’s been a tough couple of weeks. I’m trying to sit down and get everything back into perspective; it’s difficult, but I should be able to do it. Unfortunately, I’ll have to erase my last two posts due to their sensitive nature; so, friends who have had the opportunity to read it, maybe it’s best not to remember it (well… up to you, anyway), and thanks for the comments for those who did attach a comment. Actually, I do still have it hidden somewhere, but I’ll leave it to the observant to look for it.
The point is… I cannot let myself get into that situation anymore… even though how strongly (and not past tense) I feel about it. It’s unfair, and it’s mean. I need to give myself a little more self-worth.
I hate this, but I have to do it.


“Kadang kala, orang yang paling mencintaimu adalah orang yang tak pernah menyatakan cinta padamu, karena takut kau berpaling dan memberi jarak, dan bila ia suatu saat pergi, kau akan menyadari ia adalah cinta yang tidak kamu sadari. Maka mengapa kau tak mengungkapkan cintamu, bila kau memang mencintainya, meskipun kau tak tahu apakah cinta itu ada juga padanya? Mencintai Seseorang dengan tulus ialah menerima keadaannya dalam suka maupun duka,
Cinta yang Abadi Cinta yang Tdk Akan Pernah Mati…”

Sometimes, the person who loves you most is the person who cannot express their love to you, for fear that you will turn and take distance, and one day when they go, you will realize that they are the love that you did not realize. Then, why don’t you just say your love, if you do love them, even though you do not know if the love resides in them too? Loving somebody sincerely is accepting them for who they are in joy and in sadness;
Eternal Love is Love That Never Dies…

Hopefully, It Ends Here

The look that I give you is no longer yours
The touch that I give your hands and shoulders is no longer yours
The thoughts that I keep in my mind of you can no longer be of you anymore
The small things that I intend for you are no longer small things, and are of no consequence
The song my heart sings to you is out of tune, therefore I cannot sing it to you anymore
The trust I have in you is still there, but I cannot give it to you anymore
The nighttime longing has been nullified
The morning calls will stop
The words shared that once had deep meaning, are now meaningless
The vision I used to have will have to stop
The willingness of my heart to remain in this reverie has ended
The patience I so willingly endured has no meaning, and is useless
The conversations I shared will be the past, and not a glimpse of the future anymore
The belief in you is still strong, the idea of you of being perfect is still there, yet I no longer want to believe
The hours I could of shared with you, are still empty, but I’d rather they not be filled with you anymore
The songs I shared with you may still be there somewhere, but let someone else share it with you
The goodnight kiss will be the last
This is not goodbye
It will never be goodbye
This is just me
Finally swallowing the final pill of reality
I will be in touch, but not so often

The Amenities Of 21st Century Life

I’m sitting here at one of those inner-city prominent malls, watching an off-air event at which my friend is the MC, and awaiting the big show at 8 PM where we’d all watch it on the big screen near the stage. I’m eating a sampler – has mozza fries, bruschetta, and chicken wings – with a cold, ice lemon tea at my reserved table with friends.
I’m downloading stuff for work from the internet, through the fast internet connection provided here through Wi-Fi, using the office laptop provided to me. An HP Compaq nc6600, with Centrino Mobile Technology, with ample harddisk space, RAM, and a DVD-ROM/CD-RW drive.
For this moment, just this moment, I am enjoying the life.