Holding Back The Years

Holding back the years,
Thinking of the fear I’ve had for so long.
When somebody hears,
Listen to the fear that’s gone.
Strangled by the wishes of pater,
Hoping for the arm of mater,
Get to me sooner or later,

Nothing ever could, yeah.
I’ll keep holding on,
I’ll keep holding on,
I’ll keep holding on,
I’ll keep holding on.

Chance for me to escape from all I know.
Holding back the tears.
There’s nothing here has grown.
I’ve wasted all my tears,
Wasted all those years.
Nothing had the chance to be good,

Nothing ever could, yeah.
I’ll keep holding on,

I’ll keep holding on,
I’ll keep holding on,
I’ll keep holding on
So tight.

[Simply Red]

Every Day

Every day, I take any random thought or memory currently in the “Hurt” box, analyze it, ponder it, and extract any meaning or information from it, then I put it into the “Accepted Reality” box. Every day numerous constant whispers of wishes, dreams, and regrets run through my mind, and are simply stored for later processing.
Every day I say to myself, I learn from what I experience, no matter what the outcome.

Then why is the feeling the same?

Running, Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Treading on the treadmill, going slowly, and going a little faster until I reach the time limit, then slow down a bit… then the sit-up machine. Push some sit-ups until my stomach hurts, stop for a while, then start all over again until I’m satisfied.
Then it’s the cross-trainer… although I’m lately too often out of breath for that… but I do it anyway, as far as I can… next, it’s off to the… whatchamacallits, the things for working your thigh muscles. Yeah that. Also till my thighs hurt a bit. Don’t want to work on my lower legs, the muscle there is already a bit bulging due to my mountain-hiking years.
Then it’s off to the.. um, dunno what it’s called either. It’s for working on your upper body muscles, including the arms. I’m not working to lift weights, but more to frequency, so I just use the 10 kgs and do the same thing… push until it hurts.

When actually, I’m trying to push the hurt out.

Over The Weekend

We were supposed to have a practice session on Saturday; but unfortunately David couldn’t make it at all that day, and I was sleepy because Sacha and Yadi stayed over and we talked until 3 AM. Me and Sacha had so much fun looking at Yadi’s reaction to my “startling revelations”, hahaha… but at least I have come to terms of telling the truth to my best friend. Anyhow, it’s all in the past now…
So me, Eriz and Riri just hung about the house playing guitars, and talking about the band; there was much that I would want to do with the arrangement of the songs, but since the songs are practically done, I didn’t know what else to do with the material anyway. I’ll just have to insert my ideals into the new songs we’ll be writing…
I had dinner with Pitra at PIM 2 (it was either roadside stall or credit-card enabled restaurant, considering the date…) and then we played pool until we dropped… it was fun, and I won most of the games (out of sheer chance, I think…).
Sunday morning Citra came over so we could start work on the website he was working on; he enlisted my help to do the translations… and we worked until about 5 PM, when we took a break. Citra was going to a wedding, and Lia asked me to join her at EX, so I joined, and we played UNO with a mix of old and new friends (including a totally gorgeous girl!) until 10 PM, where I returned home (and the totally gorgeous girl was nice enough to drive by) to work until 1.30 AM…

So now, I’m so damn sleepy…

Something’s Missing

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T V W X Y Z

Remember Thy Namesake

Not coincidentally, my real name in Sanskrit means “hero”, thus the unshakable hero complex I have. And notice that the best superheroes in comics tend to be the ones who work alone?

On the other hand, I must remember the namesake of this blog… to get back on track.

Hello, world…

In Memoriam: A Happy Ending

So, once again, my personal maxim in life is proven once again: you never get what you really want.

So be it. Life goes on, anyway…

Everything Is ‘Simpler’

I have finally resolved one of my long-standing problems; the outcome not really to my needs and expectations, but the matter is resolved nevertheless. So here I am, back on the digital journey into my mind.

Loving in vain must be my specialty…

Nearing The Home Stretch

As it might be obvious in a couple of later posts, playing music is becoming increasingly more important to me; I don’t care if it does not result in a certain financial gain yet (as I am what you would say, still an amateur), but at least I get to make and play music, and have something to show for. Having something to show for is apparently very important to me, after all these years working in an industry where nobody really understands what it is and what I do, and never being able to talk about work with friends.

Perhaps it’s the recognition? The acknowledgement? I will not become a hippocrite and deny that I do not need those as a man with a supposedly healthier ego, but as I have done often before, I won’t let it get the best of me. Pride is one of the fiercest emotions felt by man, and also the most insignificant; albeit often confused with honor.

Anyway, it’s always nice to not have to talk about work and still have something interesting to talk about, with it not being sports or current events. Anybody can talk about that.

The recording session is almost done, but I think the mixing is still far off; and I think a couple of vocal takes and guitar fills need to be redone. Well, at least there’s no argument about the arrangements anymore, so it’s just a matter of time. Wish us luck!

One-Month Furlough

Hello, blog, long time no write.

First of all, it’s been really busy at the office. A lot of projects and meetings, and I’m trying to set up shorter deadlines for my work, thus more work for me. All these meetings makes catching up with the paperwork difficult.
Also, I was down and out for a week, with laryngitis. Got 3 days leave courtesy of the doctor (and the virus) and slept through all 3 days… my throat has not been the same since.
Bought a MIDI-to-USB interface which was apparently useless on my Mac (unless I buy a self-powered MIDI controller)… well, I’ll figure out something, as I do think this converter still will come to use depending on my future computer configuration.
Went to Bogor again to work on Krayola’s master recording… I think we still have a couple sessions to go before we’re finished, but it’s moving along perfectly.
I had no time to update my blog at the office, and once I reached home, I was too tired to make a posting here. Believe me, it’s been a long month…

Of course… just to mention here, and never more… my life has suddenly become ultimately more complicated (although Sacha says that my life has always been complicated). Well… complications in life have not always been a bad thing, so I’m still smiling, as wide as ever…