Archive | April 2006

Holding Back The Years

Holding back the years,
Thinking of the fear I’ve had for so long.
When somebody hears,
Listen to the fear that’s gone.
Strangled by the wishes of pater,
Hoping for the arm of mater,
Get to me sooner or later,

Nothing ever could, yeah.
I’ll keep holding on,
I’ll keep holding on,
I’ll keep holding on,
I’ll keep holding on.

Chance for me to escape from all I know.
Holding back the tears.
There’s nothing here has grown.
I’ve wasted all my tears,
Wasted all those years.
Nothing had the chance to be good,

Nothing ever could, yeah.
I’ll keep holding on,

I’ll keep holding on,
I’ll keep holding on,
I’ll keep holding on
So tight.

[Simply Red]

Every Day

Every day, I take any random thought or memory currently in the “Hurt” box, analyze it, ponder it, and extract any meaning or information from it, then I put it into the “Accepted Reality” box. Every day numerous constant whispers of wishes, dreams, and regrets run through my mind, and are simply stored for later processing.
Every day I say to myself, I learn from what I experience, no matter what the outcome.

Then why is the feeling the same?

Running, Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

Treading on the treadmill, going slowly, and going a little faster until I reach the time limit, then slow down a bit… then the sit-up machine. Push some sit-ups until my stomach hurts, stop for a while, then start all over again until I’m satisfied.
Then it’s the cross-trainer… although I’m lately too often out of breath for that… but I do it anyway, as far as I can… next, it’s off to the… whatchamacallits, the things for working your thigh muscles. Yeah that. Also till my thighs hurt a bit. Don’t want to work on my lower legs, the muscle there is already a bit bulging due to my mountain-hiking years.
Then it’s off to the.. um, dunno what it’s called either. It’s for working on your upper body muscles, including the arms. I’m not working to lift weights, but more to frequency, so I just use the 10 kgs and do the same thing… push until it hurts.

When actually, I’m trying to push the hurt out.

Over The Weekend

We were supposed to have a practice session on Saturday; but unfortunately David couldn’t make it at all that day, and I was sleepy because Sacha and Yadi stayed over and we talked until 3 AM. Me and Sacha had so much fun looking at Yadi’s reaction to my “startling revelations”, hahaha… but at least I have come to terms of telling the truth to my best friend. Anyhow, it’s all in the past now…
So me, Eriz and Riri just hung about the house playing guitars, and talking about the band; there was much that I would want to do with the arrangement of the songs, but since the songs are practically done, I didn’t know what else to do with the material anyway. I’ll just have to insert my ideals into the new songs we’ll be writing…
I had dinner with Pitra at PIM 2 (it was either roadside stall or credit-card enabled restaurant, considering the date…) and then we played pool until we dropped… it was fun, and I won most of the games (out of sheer chance, I think…).
Sunday morning Citra came over so we could start work on the website he was working on; he enlisted my help to do the translations… and we worked until about 5 PM, when we took a break. Citra was going to a wedding, and Lia asked me to join her at EX, so I joined, and we played UNO with a mix of old and new friends (including a totally gorgeous girl!) until 10 PM, where I returned home (and the totally gorgeous girl was nice enough to drive by) to work until 1.30 AM…

So now, I’m so damn sleepy…

Something’s Missing


Remember Thy Namesake

Not coincidentally, my real name in Sanskrit means “hero”, thus the unshakable hero complex I have. And notice that the best superheroes in comics tend to be the ones who work alone?

On the other hand, I must remember the namesake of this blog… to get back on track.

Hello, world…

In Memoriam: A Happy Ending

So, once again, my personal maxim in life is proven once again: you never get what you really want.

So be it. Life goes on, anyway…