I think I made a mistake… a huge mistake… and somehow, my inner voice always knew it. So now, finally, I have done what it takes to try to make it right. The mistake was taking another road in the first place, so now it’s full stop, I’m going back home.
It’s good to be home.
I have been spending more and more time with Saskia, most often at her house, and where the whole family has practically welcomed my presence. I come often at any hour and the door is always open. But somehow it seems, the problem is not with coming, it’s about leaving.
For a couple of times now, whenever I call for a cab to go home (which would be past midnight for average), the security guard who is in charge of the main portal to the complex always harrases me indirectly. At one point, the cab driver (for whom I am becoming a quick reguar) was denied entry, and he had to walk to Saskia’s house to pick me up.
The next incident was when the taxi left the complex, the security guard actually came to the driver window and scolded me; “If you’re visiting someone’s house, be wise about the time! Now if you want to call a cab, you better walk to the portal.” I gave him a cross, blank stare as a response. The person became more and more on my nerves, as it already felt he had bad sentiments towards me. But then still, I tried to think from his perspective, trying to analyze what I might of did wrong. So the next time I went home from Saskia’s, Saskia asked one of the house helpers to wait for the taxi at the portal to make sure the taxi was allowed access. We thought this was the end of this.
Tonight, well, more precisely this morning, I arrived home at about 1.30 AM, and I am still up writing this post because I had to blow off a lot of steam because of my anger. Just when we thought there wasn’t going to be a problem with the security guard, he harrased me AGAIN. “Hmm, this is becoming a habit. I thought I told you to walk to the portal when looking for a cab!” I gave him the same cross, blank stare, but my instincts were inches away from either giving him a lecture on human rights, ethics and courtesy or a good punch in the larynx (yes, it’s meant to be painful). The cab driver, on the way to my home, mentioned that I am not the only one who orders cabs at that hour to that complex, and there have never been problems. If the security guard didn’t want cabs coming into the complex, he should have been consistent and not open the portal for the cab, right? Finally, I found no fault in what I was doing, and that this was a deliberate act of prejudice or bad sentiment. I have been spending the last hour or so analyzing, all the while calming myself down, but also creating scenarios in my head on how best to handle this. Usually, I don’t care about people like this, God knows we all have our share, but this guy is unavoidable. He must be handled.
What do you think, guys? I really hope I can find what made this guy act like that in the first place, but it has gone too far and therefore the reason is irrelevant. But do share your thoughts…
Tomorrow is the start of the long weekend, and I mean really long. It starts from Thursday, which is Independence Day, up to Monday, which is Isra Mir’aj (I don’t know if there is an English translation to that). The long-awaited spell of a pseudo-holiday is here! Unfortunately, my schedule is already filled here and there with some events that I have to attend, so I could not go out of town as previously planned (although I did not have time to plan anything anyway). But at least, the break from work (although I get the feeling that it will seep in bit by bit eventually) will be most welcome, and I can spend it however I wish (with consideration to the girlfriend, of course).
The great thing I am anticipating of an unplanned long weekend is that I can do anything just spontenaously, as opposed to the rigid programming and planning (especially scheduling! You should see how my meeting appointments line up every day) that you get on your average working day.
The long weekend will also leave Jakarta comparatively empty, as many people who did have time to plan their long weekend will be out of town, and thus decrease the amount of potential crowds I will meet anywhere at any given time.
A bit of the initial excitement that came with moving to the new job is back, because of some open talk with my new boss (and seeing him at his vunerable side), but still, some doubts are clouding my mind. To be frank, some other factors are suggestive toward my second thoughts, but… we’ll just have to see how it goes, and make the most of it.
On another note, I have been challenged to do something rather big. Hope I can do it. It may become the first step of another career…
You know, I’ve been having second thoughts and misgivings about my new job… but I guess I have to see it through, as I once reprimanded a close friend not too long ago.
Step in for the first day, and see what happens.
In the meantime, my old office is squeezing out of me what they can before I leave, so I have been working like crazy….
From its root words, “deadline” essentially means if you cross the line, you’re dead. Now, deadlines, mind you, are part of everyday professional life. They are the most prominent features of the ongoing wheel of economy and business, where everybody wants everything done how, where, when, and most importantly by what time.
I always hated when people promised fulfilling deadlines to superiors when there are too many external factors to the equation, when they are not too sure their subordinates can help make that deadline, or whatever reason. Deadlines are made for performance and to push performance, but I don’t think deadlines are meant to leave out maintaining the long term performance.
The current business scene moves at such a pace where things often go too fast for the people actually doing the work, and thus having to stay back at the office (or any other place of work) toiling the hours away.
It’s not that I don’t like deadlines; they are necessary milestones to measure your performance and accomplishments…. but they are, at times, unnecessarily issued as well.
Here’s hoping the deadline met meant something.
I don’t know why, but my temper has been running a bit high as of late. I’m always touchy, and the smallest things seem to irritate me.
Phone calls are irritating me, because it’s always someone who wants something. As usual, the sound of car horns and the like get on my nerves as well. Today, going down for lunch, I was in the lift with 3 other guys. My apparently vivid imagination, poisoned with malice, quickly imagined beating up all 3 guys in the lift, complete with where I would hit them, how, and how I would tackle their resistance. I probably am going a wee bit loony…
It’s just as well I guess, at least I have someone who can calm me down (or remind me that I’m not that crazy?)
Today I am helping out Citra with some translations for one of his website projects, and I just finished what could possibly be the last of the documents needed to be translated. What a relief! I have been working from about 10 AM non-stop (well, not really non-stop…), and only stopping to have a late lunch at 3 PM. Lunch was also just a delivery from McDonald’s, not because we were so busy, but more to the fact that we were too lazy to step outside the house.
So now Citra is uploading the stuff, and I’m back to fooling around with the Dashblog widget…
I am sending this post as a test, to try out the new wonderful world of Dashboard Widgets (running on Mac OS X). Yes, I know, widgets have been around for at least a year, but I only had the opportunity to try out the features now.
This post was made by the Dashblog widget. Let’s see how it fares.
I guess it goes without saying that a lot has happened the past few weeks, making me unable to post anything here; my office time is limited, and my time afterwards is spent away from the computer.
Only this morning, I can sit down, relaxed, in front of the computer, and try to get some thoughts out to describe the missing logs from this media.
It’s such an amazing feeling to be going out with somebody steady again, especially after so long in personal limbo, and getting used to doing everything myself. It has taken some adjustments for both of us, especially during these first weeks, that we actually had a partner at all! When you’re used to thinking for one, now you think for two, and these are just for mundane things like going to the supermarket or something. But I’m otherwise happy, now that I have someone I can always share my thoughts with, and hold my hand whenever I need.
I just discovered something very essential about this blog, and about me… apparently, I always have this subconcious feeling that I should not spread good news as excitedly as I would, because it would somehow be jinxed (and believe me, it has happened several times, including my other situation at work). That’s partly why this blog rarely displays good news.
Now here’s the situation at work. My future boss, it seems, is under pressure. He, as an expatriate brought in to help out with a new division at my new office, assumingly promised all sorts of things and targets for this division, and under pressure to deliver very fast. This has caused the pressure to be distributed to all partners involved in the launch project (including my current office), when actually things cannot happen that fast. Feet were stepped on, tempers raged, and the formerly anticipating spirit of my company and the partners behind us decreased and became pragmatic. The problem’s not over yet, and instead of coming in and sitting down with my future boss and telling him how it’s supposed to be done, I’m giving him a harsh reality instead, seeing all his deadlines fly past without anything done. Well, that’s how stubborn he apparently is, haha…
There is something else new in my life, other than the girlfriend and the coming new job… but I’ll elaborate on that later at a better opportunity. Today, I have to attend 2 weddings!